What Do The Years 1991-2005 Have In Common? They’re Identical.
I’m touched that Zu Kai thanked me in his blog. Snnniiff.
We’ll miss you Zu Kai, life in TK without you will be dull.. lifeless.. grey.. gloomy.. Yeah.
You’re one of the funniest and coolest people in TK, I know you’ll have a damn good time in JC.
And… I’m lousy at these things. But you know what I mean. =)
Added more stuff. Find it. Hohoho.
Christ, I think the hormones are acting up. I get pissed at.. everything.
Even every tiny little thing my mom does annoys me even though she does it all the time.
Jesus.
Anyway, this post is all going to be about, well, Me. Yay?
If you can’t bear to see the words, “Me”, “I” and “My” for 100 times, you probably shouldn’t read this one.
Sooo…
2005 is coming to an end.
And like every other post I write about how the year has been, I would say it sucked, shitted, worth puking over, relieved it’s done with, crappy, dumb, stupid etc.
I guess this year didn’t go too well. Well, just like any other year.
But compared to other crappy years I’ve spent, I guess this one was… was… I can’t bear to say it.. Oh fine, this year was OKAY
Let’s see what has happened.
For the first 4 months, I was in drama-mama mode.
I was way into a relationship which was obvious that it wasn’t going to work out.
But of course, like any other teen with a boyfriend, I thought it was going to.
Expectedly, it didn’t. I became all angsty, RAWRLIFESUCKS!!11oneone for about a couple of months.
Then reality hit me that I didn’t want to be those wrist-sliting dEpReSsEd girls, so I got over it.
I think I forgot everything else that happened during those 4 months. Wowee, relationships sure do takes up your entire mind space eh. I vaguely remember.. well, nothing.
It’s actually a nice feeling. Kind of like anesthetic. You just black out about everything else for a while.
Or a drug. Just makes you feel so happy, so incredibly happy. Yeah, it’s fantastic. Then when you’re not taking it anymore, you just feel like crap, like every bone in your body will break.
I tried picking up the guitar, but that just faded off too. Because of *cough*Mr.I’mTooCool&BusyPlayingSoccer*cough* But it’s alright. We’ll pick it up again.
Results went well, school was well.
I didn’t care about results much, is was just simply anger which drove me into studying harder so that I’d cheer up when I get good results. If I can’t achieve in life, at least I can do so in grades.
Yeah, it’s dumb. When I’m stressed, I study. Now that’s a surprise, even for me.
Teachers were annoying but that’s just the way they are.
I guess I didn’t have any problems with friends, we didn’t have any big drama arguments.
Unlike weirdos who whine just because their best friend’s got nicer nails than they do, you know those dipshits. But we just hung out together, no politics between us, I guess.
Well, not that I know of. =)
No big arguments with Liz, Dee and Eunice either, of course not.
Then things got complicated, all about love and crap all over again, ya di dada.
Then came the funniest event of 2005
I guess the idiot of the year will just has to be Cliffton, oops, I mean, Shithead.
Now THAT event, made me laugh to the max.
It was the man with the most memorable quote:
“I change girlfriends like I change my underwear.”
I still can’t help getting tickled by what he said. No seriously, I really think he doesn’t change his underwear. Seriously. I’m not joking. Take a look at my face, I ain’t laughing. I’m stoned.
I don’t mean to keep harping on it, but it’s just hilarious.
As you can probably remember, Cliffton was the dude who got downright bitchy about my rejection and went,
“Oh pfft, she’s nothing to me anyway. Oh, but I’ll go tell every dude in school that she sucks because if I can’t have her, no one can. *chuckles like Barney* Oh, and she’s nothing too. I got that point across, right?”
Doesn’t make any sense huh. I’m nothing, yet he bothers to do all that stuff.
Riigghhtt.
I still don’t get it. What do you want, a relationship out of sympathy or how about I tell you in your face that I hate you to save us a mere couple of months?
Now that, highlights his infamous nickname of Shithead.
I’d rather not waste my time and energy, I don’t know about him though.
Anyway, it still makes me laugh.
So in all, every big event that happened this year all involved, you guessed it, Dudes. To be more precise, love/infatuation.
It’s kind of sad in a way. I don’t know how to explain it. But it seems a little pathetic.
So sad to say [No pun intended], I have a sad life.
Well, actually, sad year. Okay year, but sad in a way if you think more into it.
So the only material I’ve got in my hands is.. relationships.
Sounds like “Julia’s a flirt” but in my own defence, I’m not.
Maybe one day when I have problems with friends, I’ll bitch about it. =)
Then I’ll seem emo.
It seems so surreal. I can hardly remember what ever happened in my relationships other than it just happened. I guess the further you get away from all these memories, it just becomes statistics.
It’ll just become, “Oh. Yeah. I had about 17 boyfriends.” And you don’t even remember their names.
It just becomes a number.
Inevitably, in the future, I think that will eventually happen to all of us. And it creeps the shit out of me because it sounds so impersonal, dead and superficial.
Yes people, I’m disgusted with myself and my future self as well.
I suppose some get into relationships just for the sake of numbers, telling everyone else that they’ve got a dude and the breakup won’t be a big deal.
But for my case, I think I put way too much feeling into it.
I can’t help it. I don’t get how some people can merely flit from one person to another. Their breakups just seem so clean and unfeeling.
I can never do that, I’d be in a LifeSucks mode for a long time and just want to die on my bed.
And yet, right now in very this moment, I am still being suckered into the same trap.
Hypocritical.
Oh gasp. I think I’m like Colin. If I’m not wrong, that is.
It’s not a bad thing, but wow, that’s a realisation.
Hah, maybe the reason why I got ditched first was because I couldn’t bear to let things go, I’m always in denial.
Just seems as though everyone else can do that, it’s just so weird. Just let go. Wow.
So I’m guessing that in future relationships, I will always be “in love” [whatever that might be] with whoever I like or am with, and I will always be the one ended up being ditched.
Hooray for me.
I think dudes will stay far away from me after this. Hawhawhaw. Oh wells.
Back to the topic of 2005.
I guess what I’ve got to be thankful for is.. Being alive?
Every moment while I’m awake, I keep thinking some freak accident will happen and we’ll all just die.
Like.. A fan dropping on us. Or someone stabbing your neck with a knife. Then there’s microwaves exploding. Or just simply drop dead.
And.. Uhh.. Friends. And my sister.
I’m glad I’m still in touch with Liz, Eunice and Dee because I don’t think I’ll ever have a real friend in TK. They’re mostly all, as I’ve said before, either superficial, plain nutty or backstabbing. Well at least, the ones I know.
Come to think of it, I don’t think there’s anyone else in the world like them. =/
There’s probably no one else as sincere as they are.
I think if I didn’t have them, I’d probably become a pink freak going around saying, “LOL” instead of laughing properly and going around having 20 boyfriends.
I completely forgot, I was reminded on Dee’s blog to write all this stuff:
Liz – Yeah, her determination is great, and she keeps promises to herself and don’t break them. Me, on the other hand, break my own promises 24/7
Eunice – Unlike other rich kids who flaunt their money, she knows that money isn’t the main issue. Sure, she might think I live in PASIR RIS and has no idea what my chinese name is [harharhar], but she’s not shallow.
Dee – I still remember in primary 4, I wrote that she was my idol, instead of Enrique Iglesias or Ricky Martin or whoever. Harharhar. She still is. I think she’s like, whole package. Whee. Mature, smart, funny, etc. Everytime I make a decision, I’d think, “What would Denise do.. Hmm.” Yup.
Maybe I’m generalising too much, but I don’t know. Everytime I meet someone whom I thought could form a bond with me, they kinda just.. drift off, somewhere.
It’s always a one-way thing. Usually when I want to be good friends with someone, they don’t feel the same way, because they’ve got someone else better to talk to or whatever.
To me, the 4 of us has got a pretty strong bond.
Of course in this world there’ll be always someone else better to talk to, better to look at, better to blah blah with. But it doesn’t really matter for the 4 of us because… I don’t know, just because.
Now that, I feel, really is love. =)
It disgusts me whenever sometimes I see my female schoolmates gushing over each other like, “Ohhhh I LOOVVEEE YOUUU!” then they scurry off to someone else and bitch about her. How sincere is that?
That’s why everytime I get into a relationship, I’m always hoping to accomplish that sort of feeling I have with Dee, Liz and Eunice.
Like, regardless of all the flaws, we still love each other. Cheesy, but yeah.
Sure, relationships aren’t everything. But they’re something.
But as I said, it’s one-way. I have a feeling that they were just looking for a good time.
Hah, and usually with me, there is no good time. I’m as boring as a block of wood around other people, because I don’t know them.
Evonne, FL, Aiyan and Julien are all alright though. It’s fine.
Yah Yah, okay, some are fine as well, like Chee Yang. [Here's your name]
It’s good that I don’t have such a huge social circle though. I’d forget about others.
I’ve gotten over the whole LifeSucks thing because I’m starting to realise that every year, it will exactly be like this.
There will be problems, funny weird crap and so on. Every year it’s the same, no difference.
And wherever we go, we will always encounter shit like that.
In a way, celebrating a New Year just because we’re given a fresh beginning doesn’t work.
Because the next year will just be the same.
So I’m no longer depressed. Well at least, not yet.
Because shit happens all the time.
C’mon people, no point in grieving over stuff like this, it’ll just keep on happening. And it’s alright, it really is.
Because like what Celine Dion tells me, Life goes on.
Or was it ‘My love will go on’?
Groan. Ah whatever. Both sound cheesy anyway.
So it was an alright year. Sad too. But alright.
And in attempt to improve 2006 slightly more, I’ve got resolutions, which I’m most likely not going to keep anyways.
Resolutions
1) Stop feeling scared of necks
2) Improve Chinese
3) Stop hating too much [Not gonna happen. Haw]
4) Eat more
5) Stop chewing/cutting fingernails
6) Try not to be a crybaby
7) Draw more
Stop being nice to people I don’t like
9) Proper relationship, if I should ever get one
10) Do my homework, stop copying. Gah. *smacks head*
11) Stop being so self-centred
12) Learn how to play the guitar, fod God’s sake.
Well, I feel that New Year’s is overrated, just like Christmas.
So I won’t be attending any parties or whatsoever. That’s right, no life. I’ve got nothing to celebrate anyways, one year closer to my death, that’s it.
Or in a happy perspective, I could be celebrating because I’m still alive.
Happy New Year, everyone.
And I just found out I got 2 ‘A Perfect Circle’ albums, exactly the same. -_-’
Well this is awkward. Sorry, T.X