Chocolate Diet.
I.. Need.. To.. Stop.. Eating.. CHOCOLATES.
I’ve been eating chocolate at least once a day for the past 6 months. “At least” meaning I usually gobble up more than 1 in a day. I can’t help it, they’re like little drops of chocolate-y heaven. Everyday after school, my lunch would consist of a lone Mars bar. Even now I feel like eating a bloody chocolate. Chocolates! Come to meee!
No wonder I can’t sleep at night.. Stupid glucose.
Anyways, I’m gonna plan out a chocolate-free diet.
Step 1. Shifting.
Everytime you reach for a chocolate, smack your hand and reach for the juice instead.
Also, everytime you think of chocolates, shift your thoughts to something else, like a real lunch for once.
Step 2. Paranoia
Everytime you reach for a chocolate, think about the future. Explore every possibility available.
Every piece of chocolate you consume would mean an inch closer to gaining weight.
That’s right dudes, every female hates gaining weight, no matter what they tell you. They may eat like mad in front of you, but at home, they’ll exercise to a Richard Simmons video and throw dinner away. Don’t be fooled and stop offering her fried bananas.
Anyhoo, gotta think about worse consequences.
Like diabetes and whatever, but the main thing is probably gaining weight.
There you’ll be, 20 years from now, stickered to the couch with a bag of chips in one hand and the remote control in the other. And what will you be watching? Yes, General Hospital. Then suddenly you receive a heart attack, collapse, and the next thing you know, you’re sitting on a couch which costs more than your home next to Oprah Winfrey, reciting your story to “tell the world” the dangers of eating too much crap. Oprah will nod sympathetically and show to the audience unflattering pictures of fatty you, using you as an epitome of fatness.
All because of that chocolate in your hand. Chuck it away!
Step 3. Post-it.
Smack Post-its on the fridge, the walls, your table, in the toilet, wherever.
Write on the post-its: “No Chocolates. Or die from embarrassment on the Oprah Winfrey show” to remind/haunt you of the future consequences.
I don’t need to say the rest.
Yay, I shall try to carry out all 3 steps. Or on the other hand, I could binge myself on chocolates then exercise like mad later.
Nah, exercising is tiring.
Off to eat some chocolates cabbage now!