Un-happening Happenings
Okay, my holidays haven’t been as happening as others’.
No jobs, no clubbing, no smoking, etc. I don’t get why everyone’s out there looking for a job, I just feel that it’s too soon.
Usually when people ask me why I don’t have a job, I just say that I’m lazy in order to end the conversation. But it’s pointless to me, actually. I mean, Enjoy the holidays, people! You’ve got the next 40 years to work! What’s the rush?
The most happening thing that happened was discovering my old crush’s blog.
Filled with all sorts of intelligent posts, no less. He even posted an entry in some foreign language which I’m unable to identify. Probably Spanish.
And apparently he speaks Tamil too.
The manner in which he types is poetic too, very prose-like.
Which makes me feel even more wtf-ish, I mean, he even exudes intelligence 10 times more than me in everyday routines! Gah!
Another happening thing that happened was making a huge mistake of watching the movie, Fred Claus.
Every time I watch a stupid movie, I promise myself never to watch those kind of movies again.
But I always give it a chance the next time, and I end up promising myself the same promise again.
Like Doctor Doolittle, Norbit, White Chicks, Dodgeball, Little Man, those crazy movies.
They always involve this “funny” bit – A kick/punch/hit in the nuts, proceeded by a twisted, agonized expression, howling and slumping to the ground.
I don’t get what’s so funny about punching a guy in the nuts. It looks painful. Pain is not funny.
Another thing these movies use for humour is fat people. Or short people. Or any kind of person that doesn’t fit into society’s code of beauty.
It’s funny to see a fat person try to get laid, or a short person punching a tall dude’s nuts.
Oh and these movies use hot girls as sex targets too, totally brings across the message of equality *rock on*
Another mistake I made was watching Beowulf.
Snort. Here’s the most ridiculous scene ever:
[Beowulf is fighting a dragon which is destroying the village. Long story short, after lots of extraordinary, fancy schmancy kung fu moves later, Beowulf managed to hook himself onto the dragon by dangling from a chain tied around the dragon's neck. Aim: Stab the dragon's heart which is located in the neck in order to kill it, duh]
Dragon: *breathes fire onto Beowulf’s wife and mistress, that’s right, MISTRESS. Mistress and wife are pals*
Beowulf: NUUUUUU!
[Beowulf then uses his SWORD (take note of sword) and penetrates the dragon's skin, but the sword can't reach the heart!]
Beowulf: *grunts*
Wife and Mistress: AHHH!
[Beowulf then heroically SLICES OFF HIS ARM, the armour lets him dangle from the chain still, but now he can reach further, see. He swings in. He can't reach!]
Beowulf: *grunts*
[Totally frustrated now, Beowulf chucks away his sword (or maybe the dragon swiped it, I forgot) In one final, desperate attempt...]
Beowulf: I.. *pants* AM.. *pants* BEOWUULLLFFFFF!!
[Despite not being able to reach the heart even with a sword and arm intact, HE MANAGES TO GRAB THE HEART WITH HIS BARE HANDS!]
Dragon: *dies, dissolves into the sea*
Beowulf: *dies. Not sure why. Fatigue maybe?*
Total wtf. He couldn’t reach the heart with a sword and couldn’t even reach it when he sliced off his arm.
AND HE COULD’VE GRABBED IT WITH HIS BARE HANDS ALL ALONG?! The laws of physics simply do not apply here.
Liz, Dee and I were the only ones laughing hysterically at the scene, I couldn’t believe that everyone else looked so serious!
How could you keep a straight face at such a scene?!
There were a bunch of other likewise funny bits in the movie, which weren’t meant to be funny.
Like Beowulf repeating this line, “I.. AM.. BEOWUULLFF!” about 10 times every time he’s about to face an enemy. K, I know who you are, thanks.
Another important discovery I made was that a building actually needs 4 Starbucks outlets.
In one tower alone, Suntec City has 4 Starbucks outlets! Plus other cafes as well!
Is walking one level up or down too much of a hassle to get coffee? Apparently so.
Starbucks is ridiculously overpriced too. Ridiculously. Sorry, I’m a Starbucks noob, I haven’t been there often. But I don’t need to be a frequent customer to know that it’s ridiculous when the price of one small Mango juice is equivalent to one small Ice Chocolate with whipped cream and chocolate chips included.
Mango Juice = Ice Chocolate + Whipped cream + chocolates chips?!
I don’t mean to be a stickler for prices, but is that insane or what?
And don’t give me all the “Oh ‘cos it’s ice blended and the mangoes were grown in the fertile, bountiful soil of sunny Hawaii…”, come on. Mango juice is mango juice.
Whatever, maybe I’m not posh enough to appreciate ridiculously overpriced drinks.
I think my own self-brewed hot Milo is good enough for me.
Speaking of which, yummy! Milo time!
LOLOLOL at “I AM BEOWULF!” It reminds me so much of 300 with Gerard Butler: “THIS. IS. SPARTA!!!” Look, it even has the same number of syllables!
Or “RED SAUCE ON PASTA!!! *kick*” Whatever.
Speaking of movies, I can’t wait for Valkyrie! So exciting.