Oh?
My GP teacher is so apt.
I wrote a fatass answer to the question.
Instead of critiquing my answer and perhaps suggesting what’s wrong with it, she simply wrote:
“Oh?”
And slapped a big fat C at the top.
I don’t really mind the C, but I mind the “Oh?”
What the hell does “Oh?” mean?
That has got to be the shortest, most sweeping and unspecific comment ever made by a teacher on an essay.
Rant
“Up to you.”
“Up to you guys.”
“Whatever that is fine with you all.”
“Dunno, what did the others say?”
“You all discuss first then get back to me, k?”
“Just tell me the confirmed details, k?”
Qn. What do all the above sentences have in common?
Ans. They reek of the same kind of disgusting, incredibly irritating irresponsibility and indecisiveness.
I always seem to be stuck with the shitty role of meticulously asking everyone whether they’re able to come out for an outing. “Any suggestions?” I would ask about the venue. “Up to you all lor,” they say. Well, if every single one of you say that, then there isn’t really a “you all” is there?
Will you pussies please have the guts and decisiveness to make a simple decision like a venue? I don’t need definitive answers, just something that I can work with. Since no one ever comes up with a place or timing, I usually end up picking the place, like Taka for example. Guess what the responses are?
“Huh. Takashimaya ah, so lame leh…”
“Taka? Can go somewhere more happening?”
“Can go somewhere else?”
WELL.
I give up.
They also seem to love to ask, “Who else is going?”
Well, if everyone doesn’t confirm if they’re going and yet asks that question, then there isn’t a fucking answer, is there?
Irresponsibility and indecisiveness are really annoying attributes to possess. They don’t do anything but piss people off, especially me.
So people, next time you wanna hang out… Please just suggest at least SOMETHING unless you want shit spewed all over you.
Another irritating thing is that 6 or 5 pointers seem to be aiming to go to ACJC.
No offense 6 or 5 pointers, but this is a desperate plea. Please don’t steal the places in ACJC! Ugh I just really, really want to get in there, and I don’t want to have to compete with 6 or 5 pointers when they are easily sail into NJC or TJC. I mean, come on, give people like me a chance. Geez.
End of rant.
Crazy
HAH, forget about yesterday’s entry man!
Migraine’s gone and appetite’s back!
English: A1
English Literature: A1
Comb Humans: A2 (In your face, YBL)
Math: A1
A Math: A1
Physics: A2 (!!)
Chemistry: A2 ( 
)
Chinese: C5 (WHO CARES?)
L1R5 (Raw): 8
L1R5 (Net): 7
I’m really happy for everyone who got the points they wanted to get, especially Teng Hui! So proud of you!
So if there are any secondary 4 students reading this, I’ll tell you this: It is possible!
I was actually late for my Lit paper and still manage to get an A1, so it really is possible.
Plus, my combined humanities were the pits. I kept getting 3/10 for Geography map reading and I didn’t even know what ‘levels’ were in Social Studies SBQ 2 months before the exam.
If ACJC doesn’t accept me… adjhjerhgrjkghkrjhgrwtf.
As Lizard said, I need to leave SAJC for nearer pastures. Traffic at Potong Pasir is horrendous - I can practically travel to Malaysia by plane with the amount of time spent on being stuck in traffic.
I was so anxious and scared shitless that I didn’t eat for 20 hours. I don’t know why people eat when they’re depressed or anxious - I lose my appetite, and I sleep a lot. Anyway, right after getting back the results, I was craving for chocolate, so I ate 2 packets of Twix and a shitload of Japanese food. Yummy chocolate-y goodness.
Time to eat!
Crazy
Okay, I’m really going nuts…
Everything is just so bloody overwhelming - Heath Ledger, Uncle Ron, my migraine, the stupid virus on MSN which is spreading to everyone and I can’t get rid of it, skipping school, people getting arrested for crashing SA, braces, birthdays, hair which is so damn frizzy now that it looks like Ugly Betty’s, that stupid stupid guy, seeing my friends tomorrow, GP teacher, lunch, dinner, food, blocked ear… And most of all, the O level results.
Shit, I mean, there can only be so many people who can get 6-9 raw points. What the hell was I thinking, how the hell can I be one of them? The more I think about it, the more I realized that I just bloody screwed up. It’s just like Chinese O’s again - worked so damn hard for a C5. Fuck. Hard work doesn’t seem to work out very well for me during crunch time. My dream of going to AC seems to be slipping [AC is near and that means no ERP. Haha]. And I’m not one of those shitheads who whine about how they’re gonna screw up but end up getting straight As - I’m really starting to think that I screwed up.
Shit shit shit. I’m in it and my head’s full of it.
God, I just really hate this awful feeling. I don’t want to go to school tomorrow, I don’t want to see my friends, I don’t want to see happy and sad faces, I just want to sleep for a week. It’s an awful thing to admit, but I just want to dissolve and float into the stars somewhere. For the entire day I just closed my eyes and thought about the stars and planets and the nothingness below me. I picture this scene which I dreamed of long ago - outer space. Then I open my eyes and I see that I’m still anchored to the Earth, placed in a tiny room with people.
But I’m not in outer space and chances are that I never will be, so I just gotta suck it up and face the stupid O level results. I know that it’s just a piece of paper and that the JC that you go to doesn’t really matter as long as you get your ass to university [that's my case], but I’m so damn scared of seeing shit results produced from hard work. It really is a shit feeling.
Plus, this MSN virus is really bugging me. And this stupid migraine too. I wish I could tilt my head to the side and drain out the stupid migraine. And I wish I could yank the brackets off my teeth too. Metal and latex don’t belong in the mouth.
Another thing that shocked me today was this game that my Chinese teacher played with us today.
It’s called Tong Ku De You Xi (translation: Emotionally Painful Game) We each had to list out 5 of the most important things in our lives (Family, friends, love, chocolates, etc) And slowly, we had to sacrifice 4 items. The whole aim of the exercise was to help us realize that we shouldn’t take things for granted and stuff like that.
So quite a number of them included God as one of their important items, all of us included family and friends in our choices too. I guess what shocked me was that when it came down to choosing only 1 item out of the 5, most of them chose God over family. I suppose that’s what the religion preaches, but I was quite shocked at how… I dunno, firm their decision was, no hesitation at all.
I can’t imagine choosing anything else over family, maybe it’s because I’m not able to understand the whole bigger-than-life concept… But… Choosing God over your family, what did it exactly mean? Did it mean sacrificing your family member’s health for a church session or prayer? Did it mean detachment from your family? I don’t know, but it honestly really frightened me.
Also, we were studying a poem during Lit class. The poem is by a local, he’s Malay and he’s a homosexual - Alfian Sa’at. We didn’t know that he was a homosexual at first - until the teacher started telling us more about him.
Teacher: Whose impression of him has changed after I mentioned that he was gay?
What shocked me was that easily half the class, or three-quarters of it, raised their hands. Well okay, what did I expect, they’re Christians. But it really was an awesome poem, so I thought that it was a real, real shame that his talent should be overshadowed or overlooked by his sexual orientation.
Sigh.. Okay, now I’m planning to sleep off my migraine till 12pm tomorrow, so I can spend less time awake feeling anxious and shitted.
Self-Confessed Shallowness
I’m really, really angry.
As much as I would like to think that most Singaporean teenagers are mature and understand that the phrase “beauty is only skin deep” is true, I was wronged yesterday.
I don’t fucking understand why people simply can’t believe me when I say that being attracted to males for their character happens all the time, regardless of their looks.
They think that I’m lying. The concept of liking someone for their character is too idealistic and abstract to them. Apparently in their dictionary, only “hot” people are worth wooing and worshiping.
I would like to say, once and for all, that these people are fucking sad.
It’s not about “lowering my standards” or being “desperate” or being “jealous of hot people”, as what most people would think. I’m sure a lot of people will retaliate by saying, “Oh, that’s because you’re totally fugly, Julia. No wonder you’re standing up for the fugly community *snort snort*,” which will be the lamest retaliation I’ll ever hear, by the way, so don’t bother typing that down if something along that line is brewing in your mind already.
[Digressing a little: Speaking of "insults" like the one above, I notice that in Singapore, sticking up for a cause or community that you're not actually part of is considered aberrant. It was just like when I stood up for gay rights. People said, "Julia, you're not even a lesbian, why do you care?"
Well, that's like saying you don't give a shit about the tsunami because it didn't happen to you.]
The idea of being attracted to someone for their character is not as abstract or ridiculous as you may think.
To be honest, I’ve had crushes on a lot of guys who were not conventionally “handsome”. You know why? Because they were actually nice. sincere. intelligent. people. Wow, never heard that one before, have you.
I cannot possibly emphasize any more that this is the raw, bare truth in my perspective (that looks are not the top priority)
This is not an idealistic or unrealistic idea that I have, this is the truth because these are honestly the instinctive feelings that come to me when I’m facing such a situation.
I’m not denying that I’ve had crushes on “hot” dudes before. However, after realizing that they (Not all, of course, some) have the “Dang, I’m so hot I could pick up any girl I want!” mindset, to be honest, they really do become, well, ugly people to me. Without changing their physical appearance. I don’t know about you, but the ugliness really does ooze out and poisons himself. No matter how apparently good-looking they are, they will always become physically unattractive to me forever. My sister can definitely vouch for that, haha.
For instance, there was once when I showed a picture of my crush to my tuition mates.
They laughed like crazy. My crush looked like a horse, apparently.
“It’s not about the looks,” I sighed.
“Yeah, it’s DEFINITELY not about the looks,” snorted one of them.
What I think most people fail to understand is that to me, people do become physically attractive to me through their personality, even without altering their physical appearance. It shows through, it really does. I don’t force myself to see it, it simply just happens. I’m not lying - it honestly happens.
I pity those who are unable to experience it.
I honestly can’t imagine a life with the primary aim to fulfill material wants, to let material wants drown me, be it chasing after “hot” dudes/girls or purchasing the latest $800 bag. I just can’t imagine not being able to see inner beauty, or to ignore the fact that most of the $800 goes to advertising and profit - I think my body would just be an empty exterior with a clockwork mind.
Christ, I’m so frustrated that I’m crying right now.
You know what the funny thing is?
The ones who are dissing these so-called “horrifically ugly” people end up shooting themselves in the foot.
One acquaintance said that being short is equivalent to having “no hope” in the BGR world.
The ironic thing is that he himself is short. Shorter than me, in fact, and I’m only 1.6m.
I guess what triggered me to finally write a post like this was yesterday/today.
I’ve been trying to suppress my feelings for a long time now, but this was the last straw.
My friend, Elizabeth, stood up for the same issue my post is concerning. Of course, I didn’t expect any converts, but what I didn’t expect was the number of retaliations which were not even constructive, simply air-headed and bitchy. Such as a threat to post her pictures up on the internet (which are already posted in her blog anyway, so huh?), saying that she’s “horrifically ugly” and such, coupled with lines like “you have no right to classify people yourself.” Come on, you have got to be kidding me.
They deliberately ignored the point she was trying to make and focused on the holes in her argument instead.
Apparently, Elizabeth also doesn’t have the right to speak up because she’s from Swiss Cottage Secondary School, a school with no class.
[Hill Billy accent] Aw gee, I suppose that makes me dang stoopid too, seeing that I’m from Tanjong Katong Secondary, guh shucks.
To paraphrase, according to them, the entire student body - in each neighbourhood school - is unable to muster up enough class to match their little pinky. Our APPARENT inability to afford Comme de Garcons products, our APPARENT inability to converse in good English and our APPARENT inability to stuff ourselves into one of those classy schools automatically classifies under the “I’m way too hot for you” category.
I emphasize on “APPARENT” because they were all sweeping statements and judgments, unsupported by real evidence, not just meeting some people who speak Mandarin more than English because trust me, there are people like that in every school.
Another funny thing is that with my PSLE score, I could’ve easily gotten into that particular school they keep claiming that is “hot” and full of classy girls. Elizabeth could’ve easily gotten in as well. Would they be worshiping the very ground I step on now if I chose that school as my first choice instead? That would be the most ridiculous, clockwork attribute I’ll have ever discovered in a human being (so far, that is)
Myopically judgmental, and they’re damn proud of it.
Amazing, this is the first time I’ve ever seen people proud of being shallow.
By the way, just because one girl told you that looks are her top priority doesn’t mean it applies to every other female, I can definitely vouch for that. Looks are not what “everybody wants”, as alien and contrived as it may sound. You may label her as a brave and honest human being, but she sure as hell isn’t a smart one (And I don’t mean academically either)
Speaking of which, I’m seeing a lot of these proud-to-be-stupid people nowadays.
Okay, I think I’m digressing a bit.
Proclaiming to the world that you love to indulge in discriminating hoards of people with sweeping labels and indulging in the material world doesn’t make you a brave person - it simply makes you a self-confessed shallow person.
Bored
[edit] Oh yeah, I forgot to add in this bitchy bit about the GP teacher. Unfortunately I didn’t get a nice GP teacher.
Well, there’s a dude in my class called Kenneth and he had been pretty sick over the past few days. So yesterday he came to school and there was P.E, so I think he probably thought that he was well enough to do the run. However by the end of the session, he couldn’t breathe so the other 2 dudes in my class accompanied him to the sick bay. After P.E was GP, so here was the conversation:
GP Teacher: Where’s Kenneth? He has been absent for quite some time already.
Class: He came to school today but he had to go to the sick bay.
GP teacher: Where are the rest of the boys?
Class: They accompanied Kenneth to the sick bay.
GP Teacher: Call them back. They don’t need to babysit Kenneth.
*the 2 dudes came back*
GP Teacher: Where were you? Why did you need to babysit Kenneth… [insert inane questions]
2 Dudes: He couldn’t breathe, and the teacher-in-charge wasn’t around so we had to accompany him.
GP Teacher: So you think you know better than the teacher-in-charge?
2 Dudes: … But the teacher-in-charge wasn’t around.
What. the. bloody..
The boy couldn’t breathe and you claim that he’s being babied? Christ, I wouldn’t want to be her child.
So the today, Kenneth didn’t come to school. Recovering at home, duh.
GP Teacher: Kenneth is absent again?
Class: Yeah, he’s still sick.
GP Teacher: Looks like Kenneth isn’t cut-out for Pre-U life after all.
WHAT. THE. BLOODY…
So I guess if someone got cancer (*touch wood!*), he/she won’t be “cut-out” for Pre-U life either? What’s her definition of being “cut-out” for JC life anyway? Coming to school despite feeling as though you’re gonna faint/vomit? Wow, that’s heroic alright.
If she, a teacher, can’t even squeeze an ounce of sympathy out of her body for an ill student, I wouldn’t want to see how she treats her own flesh and blood. [/edit]
Bleh, feeling really bored in school
But I’ve been lucky because I got some super duper nice and good teachers! My P.E teacher is FANTASTIC, I TOTALLY LOVE HIM because he jokes around and doesn’t kill us with impossible, strenuous runs which everyone knows I hate. My Literature tutorial teacher is new, but I think she’s doing a pretty good job for a new teacher. My Econs teacher is so fun and cute too, Oh my God I feel so lucky to have nice teachers.
The only thing I’m not feeling good about now is History because a whole load of new jargon is being thrown at me, and the teacher seems to assume that all of us have taken history before so he says stuff like, “Yah, you guys learned about the USSR and [thingamajig] right? Yep, so you’ll know what happened…” And I’m like, “WHAT?!”
I briefly know people like Stalin and those peeps but there was a bunch of stuff like Yalta and Truman and Detente and what what what?!
Looks like I have a lot of reading to do.
Despite getting good teachers, I’m still feeling bored so I think I’m going to try to crash MJC (if possible) to get the fun-o-meter running while I still can. I see people mugging and doing homework already! Christ, I’m still watching videos on the laptop and snacking on Mars bars.
Warning: Please don’t read the content below if we do not share the same religious sentiments so as to prevent misunderstandings.
I had my first school chapel thing (?) today too, turns out that it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be because it was just singing songs, but I wish they allowed the non-Christians, besides the Muslims, to leave. I think drawing the line only at Muslims is subjective, I mean, if Muslims are allowed to choose to leave, then I feel that non-Christians should be given the option too. I mean, this goes against my beliefs too, so why must I stay?
They do read out scriptures and pray every morning too, which is pretty alright I guess, but the prayer part kind of makes me wonder a bit. Right now, they’re usually praying for J1s to become accustomed to their new school and allow J2s to score well in their A levels. No offense, but I think if God did exist, He would have more important things to attend to like poverty and brutal killings in Africa and other countries, not us puny privileged souls who are lucky enough to live in a safe country and receive a good education. Sorry, but if I had to pray to a God, I’d pray for the former, not for the latter.
“THESE ARE CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY NIGHTTSS!”
Yay/Ugh
Lizard has been complaining that I haven’t updated for 10 days, but I’m currently writing a very meaningful post which requires thinking and time! So this is just a filler.
Well, I just realized that I haven’t spoken about my experience at SAJC. One thing I didn’t expect was meeting so many people who looked like people in TK. My OGL had an uncanny resemblance to my ex, so looking at him felt very odd. One guy in my OG looked like a jerk [I shan't name who] in TK, but fortunately this guy’s a million times nicer, and loads more. It was like in the twilight zone.
Fortunately I met some super duper nice people in my OG (OG2).
I wasn’t aware of how nice they were until I got grouped into my class, because frankly, there are some class bitches. Here’s one experience:
My new found friend, Priscilla (hi!!) and I were looking for our form teacher who asked the class to meet her at one of the blocks after class. Unfortunately, being SAJC-noobs, we got lost so we missed the talk. We managed to bump into a 2 or 3 of our classmates, so this is how it went.
Me: Hey, you guys are our classmates, right?
Cold Hard Bitch 1 (CHB 1): *lifts handphone, ignores me and walks off*
Cold Hard Bitch 2 (CHB 2): Um, yah.
Me: What did the teacher say?
CHB 2: She’s still there. *points*
Sigh. How?
What I couldn’t believe was what CHB 1 did. I understand if you’re about to call someone so you won’t be able to talk to me, but at least acknowledge me? No glance, no acknowledgment, nothing. This is the first time I’ve ever spoken to someone and got so incredibly ignored. She literally treated me like a ghost.
Maybe I’m overreacting, but I thought it was bloody rude of her to not even look at the person who’s talking to her.
Of course, a lot of bitchy remarks sprung to my mind, like, “What, not pretty enough for you to speak to issit?” etc. Haha. I think that made me realize how friendly the people were in OG2
So.. I’m stuck with a shitty class.
I miss OG2 Fortunately most people in the OG seem to hate their classes too so we’re still sticking together, for now at least.
I’m also feeling very exasperated with people who keep dissing the Arts stream in my face, as if Arts students chose to do Arts because they had no choice, which in fact is the total opposite. It’s a known fact that every JC has more Science classes than Arts classes, but I didn’t really feel the impact until I actually stepped into a JC. The ratio of Science to Arts classes was like, 4:1, so I was pretty shocked I guess.
One more time someone tells me Science > Arts, I’m gonna slap his/her face.
I’m also pretty happy with Literature because we’re studying the interesting books (Othello! Brave New World! 1984! etc), not stuff like “Fistful of Colours” (Alamak!) The other subjects seem pretty alright too, I’m not too sure about Econs though. I have a feeling that it’s gonna be one of those subjects which I’ll stab my pen at, but we’ll see.
:(
Hmm, I didn’t do anything meaningful for the countdown.
I was just kinda watching videos on the laptop until my sister told me it’s the new year over Skype, so I was like, “Oh. Happy new year,” and she was like, “Yah you too,” and I went back to watching videos.
What originally was supposed to be 6 people dwindled down to 3 people [Sarah, Yap Seng and me] today at Aston’s, but it was fine.
Conversation inevitably turned to [censored], as always. Haha, I think if I ever have any questions about [censored], I can always turn to Yap Seng.
Realizing that it was the last time I was ever going to see them [besides the release of O level results] just made me feel so depressed! I never knew that I was going to feel depressed because I always thought that I felt rather apathetic towards TK and my class… But today was like, BAM. I realized that I was really, really going to miss the [censored] conversations with them because I don’t think that I’ll find anyone in SAJC who will be open enough to talk about that kind of stuff with me, especially dudes.
So I was hugging them goodbye, and for a split second I felt totally insane because I didn’t ever want to let them go!
There was this sudden burst of crazy feelings, I can’t quite put my finger on it.
It was the kind of like, I-wanna-hug-you-and-never-let-go-until-I-stop-breathing-and-turn-to-dust-like-Quasimodo-and
-Esmeralda-in-the-Notre-Dame-de-Paris-movie feeling. And I never even had that kind of feeling with my ex-boyfriends.
But of course the hugs only lasted like, 10 seconds, so I was really sad and depressed during the train ride home. I know that I’m not a very important person in their lives because they have their own close friends and I have mine, but I’ll really miss them a lot. Sarah, Amalina, Sue Ann, Teng Hui, Yap Seng, Haniel, I’ll totally miss you people, even if you might not miss me. I didn’t have a huge social life during my secondary 3 and 4 years so I guess it’s pretty safe to name names 
As for the rest of the class and school… Meh.
I’ve been tagging a couple of questions on the SAJC orientaion site but no one is answering them. I need answers, babeh.