Fish Woes
Oh my God, I’m googling on how to take care of Tubby and ARGH it’s such a headache! Apparently I’m not even supposed to keep goldfish in a fish bowl in the first place but a tank with a filter instead because goldfish are too dirty and they need a tonne of space. Plus, the water is starting to look pretty cloudy only after a few days which is making me doubt that changing the water only once a week is sufficient. Some websites say that 25% of the water must be changed whereas other websites say 50%. Then, I looked at the solution that’s meant to be added to the new water before putting the fish in it – the back of the bottle says 5ml for every 5 gallons of new water (which is more or less 16 or 18 litres) but the guy told me to add HALF A CAP-FULL for my fish bowl that, I roughly gauge, is barely 2 litres big. WHAT?! Plus, this may just be me being paranoid, but I think Tubby is starting to look a little panicky today.
HOW?! I DON’T WANT TUBBY TO DIE!! WHY WAS THE FISH GUY SO AMBIGUOUS?!
Tubby shits a lot. Like A LOT.
I’m wondering how I’m gonna remove the whole load of shit from the sand when it’s time for the water to be changed.
I think Tubby might serve as good company, there’s something comforting in telling it whatever I want without it judging me. Plus, on days when I’m too lazy to write in my diary, talking to it will be pretty convenient. Though if I saw someone talking to a fish I’d think that person is nuts.
Haha, everyone keeps asking me, “Is it still alive?” Grh! Of course it’s alive! Am I that inhospitable? 
Hope it won’t die on me so soon though.
Anyway, the class gathering today was good fun I guess. I haven’t seen my clique in ages, I miss sitting around with them and laughing. Though it may be insensitive to say this, I think today made me realize that I really don’t miss school or my class at all, a sentiment which I think my clique shares as well (To quote Amanda: “don’t want them to spread their *oohh rainbowsss*/*hug! maniac laughter follows*/*ommgg foooooooooodddd gobble gobble gobble* to me”). There are definitely some people whom I wish I got to know better, but I think my limited people skills rendered that difficult to accomplish. I guess I don’t exactly come off as an extremely approachable person either, considering how most people’s first impression of me is that I’m grouchy, which totally doesn’t express what I’m really feeling, it’s just how my default face is.
I need to learn the art of maintaining friendships with people who are like, not good friends yet are not strangers. Geez, this social stuff is hard. There are so many vague and intangible social conventions to follow. Is this joke too inappropriate? Should I engage in small talk now? Should I wave at him/her? Am I talking too much? Am I talking too little? ARGH SO MANY ANNOYING QUESTIONS.
Anyway I’m digressing… Gonna feed Tubby now.
Tubby
I’ve finally gotten a pet fish!
Sorry for the blurry photo, it couldn’t stop moving, so most of the photos turned out to be an orange blur.
It’s fat, so I named it Tubby 
Trip
[Edit] I forgot to add, does Singapore make coconut ice cream? Because the one in the Japanese restaurant in Macau IS THE BEST ICE CREAM I’VE EVER TASTED. I usually hate coconut but this ice cream is the bomb man, plus, it came in a coconut husk! It was a whopping SGD16.00 for half a small coconut though, but shit that shit tasted good. I need an ice cream maker, some coconuts and that damn recipe.
Back from Macau, don’t really feel like describing the entire 5 days there but there was a rather annoying father who sat behind us on the plane to Macau and unfortunately sat in front of us on the return flight. It’s totally impossible not to be surrounded by any kids in the airport or the airplane during this time of year, and most of the time they’re preoccupied by a PSP. My 8 year old (or 9? Whatever) cousin in Malaysia, who unfortunately and factually bears an uncanny resemblance to William Hung, is also currently suffering from this new generation distraction. I don’t see the point in going on a holiday, the purpose of which is to experience a different environment, when you’re still going to be immersed in a virtual reality anyway. How can you explore a new place and culture when you’re busy producing purple flames out of Iori Yagami’s hands (Hmm I think I miss KOF)? Sheesh, there really is an appropriate time and a bad time to do these things.
Anyway, the point is that annoying father. It was totally bad luck to bump into them 4 times throughout the trip (In the airplane, the queue at the immigration point, a Japanese restaurant and the return flight). I don’t really know how to explain how annoying he was, but I guess it was just that really irritating parenting style. He told his child repeatedly that sitting at the window seat was not allowed for children in a bid to pacify her whining, and tossed her to the maid whenever she annoyed him. I’m no parenting expert, but surely lying isn’t one of the key principles to good parenting. I guess it was his overbearing demeanor too. Or maybe the annoyance just stems from my own personal prejudice against the way he spoke, if he said “Gerr” instead of “Girl” one more time I would’ve exploded. And the option of naming any of my possible offspring ‘Charlene’ is now definitely out of the question as well (he must’ve said his daughter’s name a million times).
Anyway, the trip constituted of fantastic food (coming from an anti-food person), a really nice and quiet and deserted place (Macau is so quiet and relaxing!), great weather, and a really horrid day in Zhuhai (a city right next to Macau and is possibly one of the worst cities in China that I’ve visited). Yup, but despite that good weather, I think I prefer smoke-free Singapore more (they can’t stop smoking over there! The probability of getting lung cancer from smoking and second-hand smoking must be insanely high there).
Leaflet
Today, I received a leaflet which I totally cannot believe I received.
I just took whatever that the girl was handing out to help her out because I’ve heard countless of times of hard it is to finish handing out a stack, then she blocked my way and launched into her rehearsed line, “You’re very pretty!!! Are you 18 and above?” in the hiii-long-lost-friend kind of way. I knew from the “18 and above” part and the overtly friendly exterior that she was probably selling something related to the leaflet so I lied in broken Mandarin that I wasn’t. After a bit of “Huh, what’s she saying” which I read on her face and her vigorous speech about her mysterious product which I didn’t really comprehend that’s why it remained mysterious to me, I managed to make my Mandarin version of “I’m not 18″ understandable.
After I walked off, I looked at the leaflet and squinted at the tiny pictures and numbers. Turns out it was some nutrition programme thing, which I assumed was for weight-loss etc, the usual gimmick. But I had a double-take – it was for weight-gain! I never knew such programmes existed. Initially I thought that the before and after pictures were mistakenly labeled or something, but nope – Before: 38kg, After: 45kg, or Before: 42kg, After: 49kg. (If this programme was true: Holy crap, assuming height of 155cm and above, who the heck is 38kg?!)
At first I was just surprised that such stuff existed, then I realized that the girl had targeted me quite vigorously. I don’t believe it! I totally don’t believe that I look sickly thin. Maybe I’ve been seeing my own body for the past 18 years so I’m not exactly in the most objective position and that every girl in the world is never thinks they’re skinny enough, but still, I know that I don’t look 38kg. Anyway, I’m just hoping it’s just a sham because if it isn’t, then this is going to be quite worrisome… Never mind, it’s a sham I know it!
Anyway I’ll be going to Malaysia for 3 days and then Macau for 5 days. Blah I hate traveling, I always get sick overseas, that and I haven’t been to any other ang-moh country besides New Zealand and America so I’m always going to somewhere in Southeast Asia. And I’m dreading the long drive to KL and the horrible toilet stops along the way (maybe it’s the spoilt-Singaporean mindset, but argh why are public toilets always so horrible!) But at least I think my nightmare-streak is over, I just woke up to a fantastic dream. Okay I’m going to pack, see you in a week!
The dude living in the house opposite mine is sitting rather emo-ly by the sliding doors.
I feel like waving at him to cheer him up but maybe that would be too creepy.
Anyway I’ve been having a lot of nightmares for the past week. Last night’s dream in particular, I ended up revealing a lot of the horrible thoughts and feelings which I’ve been harbouring for months but have been trying to brush off because it made me feel terrible… But I guess I can’t help the way I feel. In my dream though, it didn’t feel cathartic at all to finally rant, I had just done it out of spite. Hmm. I guess my subconscious is an extremely bitchy character.
Oh no…
OMG!
I just tried Marks and Spencer’s ‘fire roasted pepper salsa’ with their potato chips and it TASTES SO GOOD! It’s like a tomato & potato heaven in my mouth.
I think the salsa’s gonna be a staple in my diet from now on.
A Sign that I Should Start Reading the Books I Buy…
…because while tidying up my bookshelf the other day, I realized that I already owned a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird, a book that I had bought again earlier in the day.
I had also bought Dracula that morning.
So, while cleaning up, I found another copy of Dracula too.
Crap. I wonder how many more double-copies I have.
I need to stop buying new books and start reading the ones I already have.
Plus, I’m getting terribly unfit (then again I already am, since I was 9 years old). The plan to cycle today with Teng Hui, Yap Seng, Wei Rong, Sarah and Ama turned into a lazy indoor chat in McDonalds, and the chat moved to Astons in Katong. That’s the most exercise most of us (or at least the girls – Sarah, Ama and I) have had in a while – walking under the flaming sun from East Coast Park to Katong, and then from Katong to Parkway Parade, the most active outing we’ve ever had so far I think. Oh well, at least I moved my ass from one place to another today instead of plonking it on the computer seat 24/7, then again I’m probably gaining back the calories lost with this delicious Subway cookie that’s in my mouth right now (mmm).
Dreaming
Sometimes I feel like the things in front of me aren’t real, like it’s a dream. It’s like a permanent out-of-body experience, like I’m drifting somewhere in daydream land and I can’t feel reality. Maybe it’s just the human condition but I always feel disconnected, all the buzz and bustle happening to me still feels so far away because it’s so external and it becomes history so quickly, so I keep rubbing my hands and touching people to feel something. I want to assimilate myself into everything, I wish my pores could just absorb all of it and stay frozen in the present. I keep chasing after any kind of intimacy to fill up the void but I guess it’s not the kind of problem that can be solved by anything.
I have a lot to feel happy about, and sometimes I really am, but on some days, the happiness feels empty.