Dreaming
Sometimes I feel like the things in front of me aren’t real, like it’s a dream. It’s like a permanent out-of-body experience, like I’m drifting somewhere in daydream land and I can’t feel reality. Maybe it’s just the human condition but I always feel disconnected, all the buzz and bustle happening to me still feels so far away because it’s so external and it becomes history so quickly, so I keep rubbing my hands and touching people to feel something. I want to assimilate myself into everything, I wish my pores could just absorb all of it and stay frozen in the present. I keep chasing after any kind of intimacy to fill up the void but I guess it’s not the kind of problem that can be solved by anything.
I have a lot to feel happy about, and sometimes I really am, but on some days, the happiness feels empty.