Uugghh I’m so sick… Fuzzy throat and horrible fever, feel like there’s a fur ball in my throat and an overheating laptop on my head. So I had my first proper clubbing experience last night, boy it was really madness. It was fun during, but when the highness wore off, I wanted to get out of the smoky, pervert-infested place and go home to “crash and decompose” (Dee’s words after 5 hours of clubbing). I don’t know how people can do this on a weekly basis, or even a few times a week. I think I’ll only do this like… once every six months, or once a year, or maybe the day when I’m really really depressed. My knees hurt like mad afterward too, argh, I feel old. I guess it was a good thing we went with Eunice’s other friends too, they were a lot more experienced so they helped prevent shitty things from happening.
Anyway besides that, we finally had our long-planned sleepover at Eunice’s, though I guess the clubbing took up most of the time so actually we just used her place to crash…
An up-to-date photo of Liz, Dee and I, but without Eunice, she was busy putting on makeup at the time. We haven’t taken a photo since like secondary 2. Anyway, this is my new Facebook profile picture, in response to the many who have recently complained that 1) I don’t upload any of my own photos, 2) my profile picture was not discernible and 3) I haven’t had a new picture since the day I got Facebook, which was like in March. Anyway the reason why there is only like 1 photo in my profile is because I make my pictures private, and because I really can’t be bothered to upload photos. Like, really can’t be bothered. And I feel uncomfortable, it makes me feel narcissistic because that’s what I call people who seem to have new photos of themselves on Facebook every couple of days. Facebook is such a hassle! And it truly can act as a medium for people to exert some of their narcissism, or maybe I’m just overreacting…
Anyway, recently I’ve started listening to The Cars, they’re great!
Recurring Dream
I’ve been having a funny recurring motif in my dreams lately. A few days ago, I dreamt that the sea was confined within a white room which had a few glass walls and I was wading around in it with ZW. I told him one of my usual lines, “5 more minutes?” (I always say this to him because I’m too lazy to move my ass from my seat) then he said, “3 more minutes”. Then we proceeded to wade around some more. I think at some point I saw some teeth floating in the sea and I collected them or something.
Another vague dream I had was of him running across the edge of a crowded pool while I pushed water from the pool into the drain like I did when I was a kid, I was wearing my old floating-arm-thingies that kids wear on their arms when they’re just starting out. Then last night, I dreamt that he swam me to Malaysia, illegal immigrant style. What a crazyass vivid dream, I can still remember the scenery of buildings that passed by and the bridge overhead. I’m not one to invest a lot of significance in dreams but I wonder where the heck this sea/pool & swimming scene is coming from, I haven’t swam in ages.
Anyway, Denise, Elizabeth, Eunice and I are planning to go to London in April. Initially, I was rather doubtful of the feasibility of the plan so I didn’t want to get my hopes up but it does seem to be panning out quite nicely. I still recall the days in primary 6 when we excitedly planned (but failed to execute) an overseas trip to Australia after PSLE (HAHAHA) and another failed plan to go to Australia during our secondary school years. Well now that we’re old enough, I hope we can handle it! I wonder how living with your best friends for 10 days will be like. Eating there will be expensive thus we’ll have to cook some meals for ourselves, so now I have a new holiday task to accomplish: learn how to cook!
London! OMG!
Virgin Clubbing Experience
Two words: total failure. Elizabeth & Eunice brought me to The Arena but the thing was, it was 9.30pm. So technically the club was open but it wasn’t opened yet, you know. So it was incredibly awkward to sit there in a club which was pretty empty except for one group of dudes. I was like, hmm okay wow this is clubbing while Liz & Eunice insisted that it wasn’t. In a bid to look for a more crowded and thus less awkward club (According to the two of them who are more experienced in this aspect, The Arena is a “shitty club” Hahaha I dunno) we went to Zirca, which was more crowded but still rather empty. After a couple of drinks, around 10.30pm, I wanted to go home (I’m actually quite surprised by the number of parents who allow their kids to club till the wee hours of the morning, mine already complain when I’m not home by 11pm) so I was the party pooper. I was like, “Okay, thanks for the clubbing experience, bye!” in which they replied, “THAT WAS NOT CLUBBING, we’re bringing you again next time when you can stay out!” So yep, that was my fantabulous virgin clubbing experience. But the whole idea of dancing and drinking at like 3am seems pointless to me, I’d rather be talking to my friends or like, sleep. Haha I guess I’m not a clubbing person at all!
RGPS 6D Gathering
Raffles Girls’ primary school 6D gathering – Linda, Jewel, Chelsy, Kelly, Denise, Eunice, Liz, Yen, Manprit, Rebecca. Everybody still looked the same, like just an enlarged version of their primary school selves. We were all extremely excited to see Yen, who went overseas for 6 years. I still remember my kindergarten days with her back in NUS Childcare Centre and her relationship(ish) with Jasper when we were like 5 years old. Speaking of which, I hated that little Jasper dude because he always made fun of me. In primary school, I remember going to her house after school and she would insist on exploring pornographic websites while I hid my face behind my hands and squealed, “NO, YEN!” And I remember her creepy Furbies and Goofy telephone… Yeah we should definitely meet up more often instead of once every few years.
[edit] Mega realization: Avatar is exactly like Tarzan the animated movie, just that Jane’s the dude and Tarzan’s the female in Avatar. The horizontal tree branch thingies in Avatar reminded me of the where Tarzan amazingly coasted on those tree branch thingies without getting feet burn from friction. I’m thinking about stupid things…
Caught Avatar in 3D with Chee Yang today. Just like a certain someone, I’m not very keen on sci-fi films but this one was pretty good! Action films usually end up compromising the script and the storyline because the focus is on the action (eg. cheesy lines and way-too-speedy character development) but it wasn’t too bad for this one. I was pretty doubtful about the 3D thing too because the last 3D movie I saw was Spy Kids and back then, 3D glasses were flimsy pieces of plastic as the frame with red & green cellophane paper as lenses so I vowed never to try that again. The 3D effect was pretty good but it reminded me a little of BNW where the focus is on the effects of the film and not the film itself, so it creeped me out a bit when Chee Yang said that 3D TV is speculated to be the future of television.
Anyway, in response to my current confusion about what to study in university and the job issue (I’ve been hunting around for jobs for the past few days but nothing much so far 
), Chee Yang said, “Haha, I was your position 2 years ago!” So yah now I’m super panicky. Then he suggested instead of going for normal jobs, why not go to some architecture firms and do some work-shadowing, which sounds like a good idea but good grief I have no idea how to go about getting something like that. But I thought about it and I realized that any job is alright with me, any pay as well, my goal for now is just to become more independent and get more experience. Tomorrow, the job hunt shall start again.
Indians’ Sleepover
The sleepover yesterday was extremely fun, as usual, but the talks really affected me. Maybe because it was 3am that’s why it made the talks feel more serious, but I went home in the morning with a changed mindset, an identity crisis and of course, very heavy eyelids. Hearing Amalina’s passion to change the Malay community made me realize that despite 2 years of studying GP, I’m still quite ignorant about the world, which is the reason why I try to avoid being too heavily opinionated about everything because I know that no matter how much I think I know the issue inside-out, I’m always still missing out on some vital information that could prove my opinion wrong.
Besides that, listening to Amalina and Yap Seng talk about their life goals made me realize how jaded and myopic I’ve been, concerning myself with things which, in retrospect, are so insignificant. School, exams, social circles… It really doesn’t matter. All the stuff I’ve mentioned in my previous posts about my class and school are completely childish and unimportant. It really motivated me to start seriously thinking about what I really what to accomplish in my life – classmates, gossip, partying and whatever are completely irrelevant in the big picture. Up till now, I’ve only had the vague goal of wanting to study Architecture in university, and that decision isn’t even totally cemented yet because I’ve yet to thoroughly research on every course available that may interest me.
Then I realized that there are still so many important issues that I’m conflicted about, like my attitude towards life. I’ve always been for the mindset of “try everything at least once” but such an attitude doesn’t prove to be so easy when it comes to certain things, I still don’t know where the personal boundary should be drawn. Or like my own religious beliefs – for the majority of my life I’ve been an atheist, but it’s not so simple as to just declare it then compartmentalize it, it is essentially interlinked to my whole attitude about life, and I’m wondering what kind of person my beliefs are molding me to be. That’s not to say that I’m doubtful about being an atheist, I probably always will be, but I don’t know how this is going to work out 50 years from now. Children? It’s a life experience that I want to try, but then again I can’t just “try” it, it’s a life-long commitment that will most probably prove to be a much more complicated issue than what I know now. Pre-marital sex? That opinion has probably oscillated between “no” and “yes” at least 5 times throughout my life. All that and so much more – financial future, love and marriage, volunteer work, my family, death… There’s just too much to sort out. I’m afraid if I don’t sort at least some of this stuff out soon, I’ll always be lost, because it’s the decisions in these things that define who you are.
Anyhoo, after the talk, we headed to McDonald’s at around 5.30am to buy some breakfast, then we walked to pasir ris beach to watch the sunrise. Unfortunately, while we expected the sun to rise from the horizon right in front of us, it rose from the side instead, from the trees, so we basically just watched the sky turn brighter. I loved that moment, no one was around (except for that one guy who waded around the water to catch fish and the smoke from his cigarette ruined our morning air), sweet elderly couples were taking their morning walks, the weather was bloody good and of course, we were in each other’s company. I forgot to bring my phone with me so I couldn’t take a picture, so I just took a mental picture instead 
We felt pretty awake the whole night, but on the walk back to the chalet, we suddenly felt tired and sleepy. 3 of them plonked onto the bed and slept, while Sarah and I snickered and took photos of them:
We took unglam close-ups too but I would feel too mean if I posted them, haha.
Haniel looks like an angel when he sleeps! He started sleep-talking too, “Why are the lanterns turned on… All 4 of them are lanterns…”
Not to mention our group always ends up talking about stuff related to sex/genitals/whatever, this pretty much illustrates what we talk about…
Anthropomorphism is creepy
Whenever I see the poster for the movie “Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel”, I feel extremely uncomfortable. There’s something inexplicably creepy in seeing female chipmunks act sexy. Actually overall, I think it’s just creepy to see anthropomorphic animals now… I didn’t think much of it as a kid, but looking back on all the cartoons now, like Donald Duck wearing a sailor uniform, it just gives me the heebie-jeebies! It just seems warped to portray animals as humans, the cartoons all stand on their hind legs!
Anyway, so we finally had the sleepover which was planned since 2008! Looking back, eating cup noodles at 4am was a bad idea, my body-clock is messed up now, my usual wake-up time of 9.30am is now pushed to 10.30am or 11am, making me feel fuzzy and confused in the morning… But it was great fun! I’ve been quite apprehensive about alcohol after trying the margarita a while back (”How the heck does anybody become an alcoholic?! It tasted like BLEGH!”) but I’ve been proven wrong after Joyin introduced me to Baileys (tastes bloody good), which reminds me a bit of A Clockwork Orange where the characters drink drugged milk. Anyway, another sleepover coming up tomorrow with the secondary school gang, yay!
Bleh
Tubby died a couple of days ago After a grand total of 5 days under my care, which made me feel even worse when I found out that some goldfish can live up to 30 years if cared for properly. And it was an ironic moment as well for I had declared to my sister the day before, “Happy New Year! May Tubby prosper!” It was definitely the water change, it died a day after it, so I guess I either added too much or too little solution (refer to two posts ago) to the new water. Cried for a bit, felt like a pet-killer.
Sigh, starting to feel rather listless from the usual routine of going out then coming home then go to sleep, then wake up, go out, come home, use computer, sleep etc. Sometimes I do think “Whoa this is the life!” but then it’s getting pretty unproductive and it’s about time I realize that going out is only a temporal escape from the shit feelings that swell up when I’m not distracted. But then again anything else I do is probably also just a temporal escape. Oh well, hopefully the job search tomorrow with Sam will pay off.
Bimbo Moment No.1 of 2010
My fish bowl is located on a shelf directly opposite my night light (yes night light).
Sister: Hey I heard fish sleep in darkness… I’m afraid Tubby won’t get any sleep because of the light. Do you want to shift the bowl somewhere else?
Me: …Fish sleep?
Sister: YES THEY DO.
Happy New Year everyone!
Sorry if my posts are centered around my fish these few days, it’s just easier to focus my attention on small stuff instead of the big ones, which I eventually have to start thinking about anyway… Ugh I totally need a job.
So I was thinking about 2009 rather emo-ly, like everyone else, then I realized that I’m turning 19 in 1.5 months’ time! This occurred to me on the bus ride home, when my ez-link card made only a singular *beep when tapped. Adult fare from now on, which reiterates my need for a bloody job.
Well, no one event in particular was gasp-worthy throughout my two years in JC, but a lot has still changed, slowly I guess. I’m really glad that my primary school clique – Liz, Denise and Eunice – still kept in touch, and I’m very grateful for having Haniel, Yap Seng, Teng Hui, Sarah, Sue Ann and Amalina as my close friends too. To be honest, the reason why I did not feel particularly sad about leaving TK was because I didn’t think I left the school with any long-lasting friendships, only acquaintances, but only after we left did we bond even more, so, as cheesy as this may sound, I hope this will continue! Plus, JC life would’ve been intolerable if it weren’t for the great teachers (looking back, I guess our class was pretty lucky), Amanda, Sam, Julien, Joyin, Rachel, ZW, and of course the people we occasionally (okay, maybe all the time) make fun of.
Anyway all the name-listing is starting to sound like a thank you speech at the Oscars.
2009 was good, I hope to God that 2010 will be too, aka good A level results. Oh no.