Indians’ Sleepover
The sleepover yesterday was extremely fun, as usual, but the talks really affected me. Maybe because it was 3am that’s why it made the talks feel more serious, but I went home in the morning with a changed mindset, an identity crisis and of course, very heavy eyelids. Hearing Amalina’s passion to change the Malay community made me realize that despite 2 years of studying GP, I’m still quite ignorant about the world, which is the reason why I try to avoid being too heavily opinionated about everything because I know that no matter how much I think I know the issue inside-out, I’m always still missing out on some vital information that could prove my opinion wrong.
Besides that, listening to Amalina and Yap Seng talk about their life goals made me realize how jaded and myopic I’ve been, concerning myself with things which, in retrospect, are so insignificant. School, exams, social circles… It really doesn’t matter. All the stuff I’ve mentioned in my previous posts about my class and school are completely childish and unimportant. It really motivated me to start seriously thinking about what I really what to accomplish in my life – classmates, gossip, partying and whatever are completely irrelevant in the big picture. Up till now, I’ve only had the vague goal of wanting to study Architecture in university, and that decision isn’t even totally cemented yet because I’ve yet to thoroughly research on every course available that may interest me.
Then I realized that there are still so many important issues that I’m conflicted about, like my attitude towards life. I’ve always been for the mindset of “try everything at least once” but such an attitude doesn’t prove to be so easy when it comes to certain things, I still don’t know where the personal boundary should be drawn. Or like my own religious beliefs – for the majority of my life I’ve been an atheist, but it’s not so simple as to just declare it then compartmentalize it, it is essentially interlinked to my whole attitude about life, and I’m wondering what kind of person my beliefs are molding me to be. That’s not to say that I’m doubtful about being an atheist, I probably always will be, but I don’t know how this is going to work out 50 years from now. Children? It’s a life experience that I want to try, but then again I can’t just “try” it, it’s a life-long commitment that will most probably prove to be a much more complicated issue than what I know now. Pre-marital sex? That opinion has probably oscillated between “no” and “yes” at least 5 times throughout my life. All that and so much more – financial future, love and marriage, volunteer work, my family, death… There’s just too much to sort out. I’m afraid if I don’t sort at least some of this stuff out soon, I’ll always be lost, because it’s the decisions in these things that define who you are.
Anyhoo, after the talk, we headed to McDonald’s at around 5.30am to buy some breakfast, then we walked to pasir ris beach to watch the sunrise. Unfortunately, while we expected the sun to rise from the horizon right in front of us, it rose from the side instead, from the trees, so we basically just watched the sky turn brighter. I loved that moment, no one was around (except for that one guy who waded around the water to catch fish and the smoke from his cigarette ruined our morning air), sweet elderly couples were taking their morning walks, the weather was bloody good and of course, we were in each other’s company. I forgot to bring my phone with me so I couldn’t take a picture, so I just took a mental picture instead 
We felt pretty awake the whole night, but on the walk back to the chalet, we suddenly felt tired and sleepy. 3 of them plonked onto the bed and slept, while Sarah and I snickered and took photos of them:
We took unglam close-ups too but I would feel too mean if I posted them, haha.
Haniel looks like an angel when he sleeps! He started sleep-talking too, “Why are the lanterns turned on… All 4 of them are lanterns…”
Not to mention our group always ends up talking about stuff related to sex/genitals/whatever, this pretty much illustrates what we talk about…
