Looking at my To Do list, which needs every item (there are about 20) to be struck off before Wednesday, I was on the verge of tears. But I guess crying makes you feel better because after the whole bawling session, you realize how stupid it was to cry over such a trivial matter, so you feel better about it. Sometimes. Anyway, ridiculous amount of crap to study before the exams, and homework is still flowing in. I think it’s really dumb to cry over homework and I hate people who do that, but sometimes school really makes me feel like slashing my wrists. I’m anticipating many more of such bawling sessions in the future though, it’s only March after all. My tear ducts will probably have exercised a lot by the time the A levels are here. The demands are getting higher and more ridiculous by the day, it’s becoming quite tempting to do something to the school before I leave, like maybe throw egg bombs at it or something…
Die school die.
Nightmare
JUST CAME BACK FROM BEING STUCK IN CUSTOMS FOR 2 HOURS.
Going to relieve my high blood pressure by stuffing myself with Mac’s curly fries.
Nothing much happened during the reunion, except seeing my cousin, who’s 10 years old, beginning to talk like one, but still eating and sitting like a 5 year old spoilt pig. Okay that’s quite mean, maybe a 5 year old spoilt kid.
This following conversation with my aunt also sent my blood pressure to the sky:
Aunt: So! What will you be studying in Uni?
Julia: Uh, I’m not sure yet.
Aunt: What do you mean “not sure yet”, you have to make a decision soon you know.
Julia: Yah I know.
Aunt: So? How about medicine huh? Medicine? Medicine?
Julia: I’m not very interested in becoming a doctor (Not to mention I’m not taking Chemistry etc)
Aunt: Not interested in being a doctor ah. Okay lor, architecture?
Julia: Yah I’m thinking about that.
Aunt: Still thinking ah? You can’t wait for your sister to make a decision for you, you know, and she’s already studying Psychology so you shouldn’t study that too (Uh, logic? Actually I just think that she probably thinks Psychology is a quack subject)
Julia: Yah okay, I’m still deciding.
Aunt: Architecture lah, okay? Architecture?
Julia: Okay okay, architecture.
Aunt: Don’t “okay okay”, architecture okay?
At this point I got tired of this round-about conversation and went up to my room. And that night, I had one of the most horrible nightmares of my life (so far).
The first part of my dream was all fine and dandy, though it was admittedly quite weird. I dreamed that I was half of a 18 year old couple who had to save my two children during the Korean War. Then suddenly it switched to a scene where my dad, mom and I were stranded in the middle of the sea, standing on a raft. So we jumped into the sea and swam to a large wooden infrastructure, which was just big logs being laid apart horizontally. We had to jump from log to log, at this point, I said, “Oh my God, only Hercules can do this!”
Then it suddenly switched to another scene, where my mom and I were walking to school. I was holding onto this super weird but CUTE animal! It was a blue little soft-toy which came to life every now and then. Then this is where my nightmare comes in.
My mom and I walked to the front of the school, a road lay between us and the back of the school gate. I looked to my right, and there was this little van which drunkenly swerved a few times before crashing into the sidewalk and fell. The driver was some random uncle whom I don’t recognize, but at that point his face was clear to me and I stared at him for a few seconds.
Then I looked to my left and saw my dad’s car crashing into a lampost, at this point the grass and trees all caught on fire at once. I grabbed my mom’s hand and we ran until we couldn’t see the fire anymore. I just kept thinking about my dad and felt this horrible pit of despair in my heart. My mom said, “That’s weird, he was supposed to go to the dentist but his fingernails were swollen.”
When we stopped, it was night time and we were standing in front of a huge mural of a pregnant Merlion, and the sky was cloudy with a few stars showing. The feeling of despair was growing bigger and bigger, and my mom said, “Jiejie will be home soon…” I retorted, “But daddy’s coming back.” “He’s not…”
I woke up and had a 20 minute full-blown weep fest. Even though I knew it was just a dream, I guess some of the adrenaline from that horrible feeling of despair overflowed into my consciousness. That, and I felt so bloody relieved that it was just a dream.
There are some elements of the dream that I can’t explain, like the Hercules comment and the swollen fingernails thing, but I drew a few links:
Korean War: I was doing my History homework before I went to sleep and one of the sources briefly mentioned the Korean War.
18 years old and married: My dad just told me that my grandma married at 18 and gave birth at 20.
Car crashes: Saw quite a few banged-up cars in Malaysia
Pregnant Merlion: WTF? I don’t know. I missed Singapore? My hormones are telling me that I want a baby? No idea.
Other than all that, the dream was pretty random… Man that was a really, really, really horrible nightmare. Hope it’s not a bad omen to have such a shitty nightmare during CNY. I’m not really superstitious but it’s quite creepy.
Okay my curly fries are getting cold.
Material Post
Oops I accidentally deleted my previous post :/ How’d that happen?
Last year in a bag store…
Dad: Eh, can I ask you why girls need so many bags? Look at that! *points at a bag collection* It’s the exact same design except the sizes of the bags are different. Need so many meh? Just buy one and stuff everything inside lah!
Julia: You see, the small one *points* is for carrying light stuff, like makeup, wallet and whatever. But the medium one is for days when you want to bring heavier stuff like maybe an umbrella, camera, whatever, but the biggest one is used for like, if you wanna bring work stuff around – so it can fit A4 stuff. But besides all that, the size of the bag you want also depends on the shape and size of your body, the small one elongates your torso…
Dad: *wtf face* Jesus…
Today at Vivocity…
Dad: Hey! You know, I was at Takashimaya the other day and stumbled into a bag store, and the bags looked so nice! Like, crocodile skin man! Now I know why girls like bags so much! Quality is damn good!
Julia: Haha! What was the brand?
Dad: Uh. I forgot. But they looked really nice man! Come, let’s go buy one now! *drags me to CK Tangs*
We ended up not buying anything, but tomorrow, maybe I’ll casually mention the LV bag that I’ve been eyeing 
P.S: Jiejie, bet you’re reading this with a disapproving look right, haha.
On another note, while reading my friends blogs, I realized how much homework they’ve done as compared to my completed stack, or lack of it.
Shit to complete before school reopens:
1. Math assignment
2. Econs MSA revision
3. Literature “Men” Essay
4. Prep 2 Literature poems
5. Do H3 Literature proposal
6. Read Great Expectations guidebook and pray that it will save me when school reopens (Left the stinking book in school!)
7. Revise Othello and 1984
8. Do UN essay on China’s piracy/national sovereignty
9. Figure out whether H1 is being tested or not!!! What’s this rumour about it not being tested?
10. Study for H1. What the heck, better be safe than sorry.
Ugh so much shit in 10 days… I’m really dead.
Anyway, we had a sec 4C chalet today… Pretty much turned out like what I imagined – eating chips and talking rubbish with Teng, Yap and Sarah. Was rather surprised at the turn-out actually.
I guess these are the photos of the New Year!
Bimbo Post Ahead
Shoe shopping today brought about a revelation…
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THAT NO SHOE IN SINGAPORE CAN FIT MY RIDICULOUSLY TINY FEET.
Unless I buy children shoes.
We went to GAP and I tried the children shoes. I would’ve bought them too if it weren’t for the ribbons and shiny hot pink colour.
I can still remember in primary school when classmates used to accuse me, “You bind your feet right? Don’t lie. And how can you walk ah? With such small feet, I would fall down lor.”
Hope their feet are so big now that they are called ‘Big foot’ by their friends and are unable to find shoes that fit them either, hah. I can be like, “Why your feet so big ah. If my feet were that big I confirm go work as a clown lor.”
Why does every female have at least size 5 feet? Doesn’t anybody out there share the same size 4 (or even size 3 for some shoes) feet as me? If you do, please comment so we can bitch about how fruitless shoe shopping is together.
Told you it was a bimbo post.
Crazy Kids
So we had Service Learning yesterday, which was horribly exhausting but fun. We were already expecting a group of really hyper, noisy kids (we had to go to a primary school and carry out some activities for “challenging kids”) but MAN, they were seriously crazy! They screamed and ran and screamed and ran, it made me feel so old when I couldn’t catch up with them. They most probably watch porn as well, judging from the suspicious video they were watching.
Then some guai kids came to join the programme, so I made friends with them instead.
I guess it went better than I thought it would. There was one particular boy who annoyed the crap out of me with his big-talk-but-no-walk, but then again he’s only 10 years old… But my group had really cute kids too. Some of them reminded me of my K1 and K2 friends.
There was one particular kid who was SUPER-DIE-DIE CUTE:
DOMINIC [forgot his surname] YIK GUAN!
He was totally emo at the start of the day, along with his pal Dylan, who was super duper cute as well. I think they were upset with the heat or something, because they kept shielding their faces. SO CUTE!@#@
The next few pictures all consist of Dominic, so bear with me:
Dominic and Jiexin 
Okay, not a very flattering photo but he’s still cute nonetheless
Dominic and Joyin
Dominic and Joyin again.
Both pictures had one of them looking unglam so I had to post both. Haha.
The kid who annoyed me the most, as mentioned above. It also struck me that he looks rather similar to a long-hated enemy, which made me even more annoyed at him. But despite his annoying character, I think he was probably the most moved by us because he kept hovering around us after the programme ended. 
The arts & crafts session
Ugh I’m dead beat, too tired to go into elaboration.
But it really was a fun day, it turned out a lot better than I expected.
I will always remember Dominic!
Quickie
Haven’t been updating lately, it’s mostly just a whole lot of school and more school going on. It’s not too bad, learning econs and doing maths is quite enjoyable, just hate the long hours.
Things yet to be done
1. Apple-picking poem
2. Study for history test
3. Stop hating GP because of the teacher and get down to studying it properly
4. Study Chinese for the A levels? (tentative)
I think it’s stupid and hilarious at the same time when students liken school life to the sufferings of people during the Holocaust or something. Yep, doing promos is definitely like being gassed and feeling the life being sucked out of you. Uh huh, a cramp in the social life is totally like being prosecuted solely for your ethnicity or religion. Totally. I mean, school stresses us out a lot, but I highly doubt that it matches the amount of despair you would feel if you knew that death is imminent.
Anyway, homework to do. So fare thee well.
In Their Eyes
The doors slide open.
Bustling for space, their eager shoulders wedged in between any empty pockets, minds set on an empty seat to plop themselves on.
Brief, irritated glances were shot from their shallow, beady eyes, caressing their selfish egos with scoffing remarks of others secretly formed in the dark corner of their minds.
Their hearts were painted on their faces. Clear as crystal, identical to every other day: pointless greed.
I quietly weaved out of the network of their deafening silent bickering.
Pressing myself into a corner of the train, the doors began to shut, sealing all of our dark threads of thought into a messy bundle in this moving tube. An invisible whirlpool of murky comments swarmed in between their beings.
Two teenage girls were submerged in their mindless chatter. The obscure language channelling out of their thick, lying lips tangled together.
White noise to my ears, the high pitched tones rang painfully. Attempting to carry off the noisy burden, I turned away from the glaring inky dark esscence and out the window.
A stark contrast. A mechanical device, man-made, charging through the soft, clear wildlife canopy of trees and land.
Warm streaks of bright sun penetrated through the enclosed windows, as if to cut off all of the world and pumped in with artificial contents, the only resources they depend on to live, to breathe.
The slight pleasure of the comforting sunlight coating me allowed a small droplet of satisfaction to spread. Across the clear blue dome, a shot of black flew.
Its freedom triggered a sense of isolation into my mind, leaving behind a bitter aftertaste of loneliness and the churning common yearn to be free.
A startling contrast once again.
As the yellow beams poured in, they cowered away from the windows, as if sickened by the thought of being in contact with anything but their comfort zone in this train.
In response to the sudden shower of light, their grubby hands immediately lifted to their level of their eyes, and their bodies turn away in rejection.
Upon the sunlight, several of them caught sight of me. Disgusted expressions began to etch onto their already sour faces, an empty white mask to hide themselves. Hesitantly, I cautiously took a step back.
One of them, in particular, was boring her laser pupils into me, burning me slowly with her disgust. Infuriated, her eyes shone. She could not tolerate such a thing like me to be near her.
This train served her as a flawless area, a place to transport her to another place because she would’ve never thought of walking on her own two feet.
The train was pumped with everything for her, air-conditioning to shield her from the warmth of the sun and seats for her if she grew tired of standing, the thought of walking alone would be all too agonising, not an option.
She depended so much on technology like this train, to satisfy her common yearning for more.. More.. More of this comfort, more of this blinding cushion, to give her that blissful ignorance which can never go wrong.
A place which deprived her further and further away from my society, which she so increasingly despised, just like the rest of her kind.
She raised her weapon, in a perfect executional stance. Others watched, an audience for her. Strangely, their faces began to merge, mashed. Clones, all of them.
Cruel language spewed out of her crayon-red coloured lips, swatting her weapon in an insane, manic manner. Her ignorant words splattered onto my being, droplets of acid to burn me.
She wanted to me to stay clear from her, she saw me as an infection. A germ to kill off all of mankind. A pest to rid her all of all her pleasures.
In a desperate attempt, I quickly darted away.
Unfortunately, her weapon caught my leg.
A chilling, creeping sensation crawled up. The pain winded up like a vine, submerging my leg in an acidic liquid, burning off my flesh.
A twinkle of manic pleasure appeared in her eyes. She knew she had me. She raised her weapon once more, to finish me off. A sudden ring distracted her instead, it was her stop.
Her shallow mind redirected her to a new distraction: Get off the train before anyone else does.
She hurried, jostling for space. The others had the exact mindset as she had.
They crammed through the open doors, desperate for no apparent reason.
She had no more need to finish me off, she didn’t have to be here anymore.
I pressed my myself against the corner again, in exhaustion.
My skin felt raw, she peeled off all the shreds of dignity I had possessed. I looked down, meeting the sight of a crooked, distranged leg. A familiar loathing rose up my body once more.
They grimace at the sight of me.
I grimace at the sight of them.
They shun me for simply being what I am.
A mere spider.