Food
I hate it when girls blog about what they ate in the day then complain that they feel fat, but I feel totally accomplished today –
Subway sandwich
3 Subway Cookies
2 Milk-thingy pastries (mmm)
1 Hotdog
Half a packet of Kettle Chips
Fried rice
2 Hershey’s chocolates
2 glasses of chocolate milk
I usually hate eating because it makes me feel horribly full and stressed out, like I feel like sleeping but I can’t because I feel restless at the same time, but I feel so awesome today, I think it’s the combination of slacking around on my butt, afternoon naps and junk food – that’s the recipe to temporal happiness.
Okay if being able to consume a large amount of food is my biggest recent achievement, I definitely have too much time on my hands.
I try really hard to be a good kid – I love my parents a lot and I try hard not to give them any shit, just like how I wouldn’t want my own children to give me shit. I study hard so that they don’t have to worry about my future, I plan to study law because that’s what they hope I’d do, I don’t smoke, club or drink compulsively because I know they wouldn’t want a daughter like that, I make sure that my boyfriend is someone they would approve of, I try to be as independent as possible, I talk to my mom about my life as much as possible so that she doesn’t have to worry for me and that she knows I’m a responsible person – basically I stay away from all shit as much as possible just for them, because they don’t deserve it.
But I always seem to fall short. I always feels like I’m somewhat disappointing them or letting them down. I try to explain and reason with them, but they still think I’m just an irresponsible kid. They do have their reasons to be angry about this situation, but after 19 years of trying to please them, having them treat me like shit for this relatively small problem just makes me feel… just horrible.
Everything seems to be going wrong. I’m so tired of trying to make things right, no matter how hard I try, nothing seems turning out the way I intend it to be. I keep telling myself, “Things don’t have to be this complicated, there’s always something you can do (or just not do) to keep the problems to a minimum.” But things always do end up being difficult. The worst thing is that I don’t even have the option to just say, “Fuck this shit” and leave everything because otherwise there would be nothing – I’m stuck (both by choice and otherwise) and I have to continue dealing with it and being the best I possibly can, then continue getting shit for it.
I just had another post that I typed, saved as a draft, about how I hate it when people have the life attitude of “I don’t care what anyone else thinks, I’m going to do whatever the hell I want to do”. I thought it was selfish and stubborn to think in such a way, because how the people around you are affected by your decisions does matter. But while typing it, I started wondering how my life would be like if I hadn’t spent all that time trying to please my parents or other people. I don’t know if it would be a life I’d be more satisfied with, but I suppose I would’ve done a lot things I wanted to do. Why does striking a balance have to be so difficult?
I really need to leave this place and start living for myself.
I really, really need to leave.
We cooked these a few days ago, unfortunately they looked more unappetizing in real life (It’s no surprise that it seems I’m bad at cooking – mine, the second one in the pile, turned out to be half burnt) and we’d already eaten the first one that Shane cooked and it was the one that looked/tasted the best. I hope my future offspring won’t hate me for my cooking, everything would probably be kind of burnt… Sorry kids!
Unfortunate
I lack the two essential qualities that females usually have – intuition and peripheral vision.
In other words, I am too blur and unaware of my surroundings.
I always try to expect everything and anything, sometimes being paranoid is a good thing because you are prepared for the worst. But what actually happens in reality always blindsides me.
I don’t know if this was my fault for lacking much-needed female intuition or if I’m just plain unfortunate.
Fuck.
Deep Shit
When all your mum can say is, “Oh. You’re in deep shit,” (or at least the Mandarin equivalent of such a phrase) when you tell her your problem – you know you’re in really deep shit. Especially when she doesn’t have any advice to give and says that you have to sort it out yourself.
The downside of confiding in people with this problem is that there is no solution or advice that can be given, so the look of pity and doom on their faces just makes you feel worse because you realize that you’re actually much deeper in the aforementioned shit than you thought you really were.
Eyjafjallajokull
Volcanoes in Iceland: 1, Us: 0
Flight to London got cancelled. What a horrible time for this dumb volcano to finally erupt after 190 years. MOTHER NATURE JUST HAD TO DO ITS THING RIGHT NOW? Couldn’t it hold in its crazy shit for a little while longer? I mean, it’s already been 190 years, what’s a couple more weeks… Surely there’s no God.
What kind of dumb name is it anyway – Eyjafjallajokull. Looks like someone just banged on a keyboard when it came to naming it. Pfft. Okay I’m just in a shitty mood.
And the unpacking commences…
I haven’t updated properly in a while, I’m just gonna list it out.
1. I dreamt that I was stranded in a strange, dilapidated store that sold everything from CDs to stationary. So I bought a really cool ruler that could bend in any way possible (hmm there should be one in real life, it would be great for drawing curves) and a couple of albums by Def Leppard and Metallica. Then suddenly I was in a huge khaki-coloured Cadillac. Levin was driving, ZW was in the passenger seat, Monique and I were eating yogurt in the backseat while I admired my ruler. We wanted to get out, but it was raining really heavily, so I grabbed an umbrella which turned out to be broken anyway, and we ran into a canteen and met the rest of the class. While eating, a humongous monkey (in my dream it was called a Sloot Monkey. Wiki says it doesn’t exist though, it suggested ’slow monkey’ wtf) climbed up a tree, jumped onto our table and ate all our food. We all screamed.
Can’t really remember what else happened, but I think I died at some point.
2. A conversation I had with my dad before my law interview –
Dad: You know, when the interviewers ask you if you have any questions, you have to ask a good question!
Me: Yeah I know, like what?
Dad: Hmm.. You should quote Aristotle! *ponders for a while* Ah! Say, ‘Aristotle once said, politics is the master of the land, well I think it can be rephrased to, law is the master of the land.’
Me: Uh, but that’s not a question (and besides, it’s an incredibly douchey thing to say)
Dad: Okay, ‘Aristotle once said, politics is the master of the land, I think it can be rephrased to, law is the master of the land, WHAT DO YOU THINK?’
Me: What?! I really don’t think they’re referring to those kind of questions…
Dad: You gotta be philosophical to stand out from the crowd! You can’t ask stuff like, ‘Oh what are my chances of getting into law’ (at this point, my mom piped up from the background, ‘NEVER ASK THAT!’) or what career options there are, you’ll sound superficial!
Me: Yeah but… Quoting Aristotle’s stupid.
Dad: Okay okay I know, you should say, ‘Hmm after this interview, I am wondering what exactly do I search for in the career of law, I guess this is a question that I should actually pose to myself instead of asking you.’
Me: *facepalm*
And my dad is a political science lecturer with a Ph.D.
Needless to say, I didn’t quote Aristotle during my interview.
3. I went for a few of my dad’s political science tutorials too, to beef up on my knowledge on Singapore politics. I was looking forward to it because he’s always telling me hilarious stories about his students saying stupid things, it always causes him “Brain damage” as he calls it. Plus, he insisted that his classes are “Awe.some.” (that’s how he pronounces it – stressing on both syllables to emphasize just how awesome he is)
It turns out that I think most of his students are actually pretty bright and passionate about Singapore politics, but I’ll just talk about the bimbotic moments because it’s more interesting that way.
In the second tutorial, where the majority of the day’s bimbotic moments occured, my dad was talking about street level bureaucrats and how they’re extremely important in portraying a good image of the government to maintain a good relationship between the government and the people. Whenever he threw out any questions related to politics to the class, the class would keep quiet and avoid all eye contact. But then the topic somehow meandered into the subject of the quality of service in Singapore, at this point sleepy heads tilted up upon sensing that a bitching session about Singapore was in order.
Dude with a motorcycle helmet: Yah, you know, whenever I get a parking ticket, I curse the gah-men!
Bimbo #1: Recently right, Zhang Ziyi came to Singapore and she wanted to go into one of the shops at like 10pm, but the service staff refused to let her in because it’s closing time already and Zhang Ziyi was very angry. So I think the service in Singapore is quite bad because they don’t even let the VIPs enjoy special privileges and it gives a very bad impression about Singapore. I think the service in Thailand and Indonesia is so much better.
Bimbo #2 (girlfriend of Dude with motorcycle helmet): *tries to be analytical* I think this is subjective. Personally, I’ve encountered very bad service in Thailand and Indonesia! So some people may get good service in Singapore, some don’t.
Rest of the bimbos: *nods their heads*
Me: *facepalm*
4. My Omnia has already run out of space for my music 
What the hell, this is already 8GB of music? This is only half of what I want to put inside! I hate having to delete songs to make space for new ones. I can’t fit in the discography of The Beatles, this sucks.
5. The Buzzcocks are awesome.
6. Getting a Formspring account seems to be the new trend – I see people incessantly posting on Facebook or on their blogs to ask them questions, which is getting irritating because it’s yet another medium for people to boost their own ego by satisfying the need to share every detail of their lives to everyone who is willing to listen, along with twitter and whatever else. Oh wait, I guess blogs are counted too. Oops. Haha.
Hooo, I haven’t bitched in a long time. It really helps to cope with the stress.
Law interview at SMU went well I think (the interviewers were such awesome and funky people), and just found out I got shortlisted for NUS architecture.
It seems that I’ve been getting a lot of shit lately about my two choices. I don’t see why you can’t have an equal amount of passion and interest in two different things. It’s not like they’re opposites, they’re just different.
Besides getting the aforementioned shit lately, seems like a lot of good things are happening recently, academically and otherwise. I ought to be happy.
But all these good things seem to have a flip-side to them, everything might eventually go down the crapper.
I hate having to make these awful decisions. Saying that I’m at crossroads would be like taking lyrics from a cheesy Britney Spears song, but I totally get the feeling man. Hah.
I think the London trip would be a good break from all this, and the weather too (Seriously, Singapore is practically hell on Earth. The Simpsons movie had the right idea – we should just whack a huge dome over Singapore and air-condition the hell out of it).
Anyway, recently I got addicted to watching South Park again. I didn’t use to like it very much because it seemed too crude and I didn’t get it, but now, I totally get it! And even though it does get crude sometimes, it can get brilliant too! Plus, when Shane said that all the episodes are on southparkstudios.com, I was like, WHOOHOO.
I want a cute Cartman plushie. I’d hug it to sleep.
Then when you press its tummy, it’d squeak the bunch of swear words and racist comments that Cartman always makes.
Sigh. I need to spend my time thinking about the serious stuff.
While rehearsing for the interview, I tried talking to thin air but realized that it’s difficult when there’s no focal point, so I chose the angriest looking head statue I could find in the house and talked to it instead…
So, I’m talking to a frowning Vladmir Lenin now about why I want to study law and about Thailand’s politics. I was deciding between Lenin and Beethoven because they both look so furious in a me-against-the-world way, but in the end, Beethoven was too heavy to carry down from the shelf. Plato looked too calm. I thought Lincoln looked a little funny. Hmm maybe I should just assemble all of them together, like a panel of interviewers…
Hopefully the interviewers will look less, uh, upset than my head statues do.